Alright, here’s a rant

So my Dad has been away with some job thing and basically the whole purpose of this vacation was because his head boss guy whatever wanted to talk to him. Now my mother and I were talking about it and i told her the guy is basically going to say he wants my dad back where he was before.

Let me fill you in, my dad was “called” to do this mid way in between my senior year of high school and he asked me how i felt about it and i was against it and didn’t want him to move far away because yes, I am a huge daddys girl. I grew up with him when my mom had to tend to other matters so I was with him a lot and it enjoyed it. But even though he asked for my opinion its not like he listened to me, he ended up moving and it was honestly one of the hardest things i have had to deal with. I remember when he left and how i cried for hours sitting in my bed. At the time me and my mom were not close at all, just because there were many differences to us and how we saw things.

ANYWAYS. So we went to this meeting and sure enough this guy asked to have my dad back. My mom made me promise i wasn’t going to say anything negative or make faces, so i kept my face glued to the floor, when he mentioned he wanted my dad back i tried so hard to tell myself not to cry. My dad told him if he went back down there he didn’t want to go alone, so at the end of this meeting the guy was trying to convince me and my mom the procs of us going with him. He kept telling my dad how much he wanted him there and how much he needed him. The things that were going through my head were endless; Did this guy seriously say he NEEDED my dad, no sir. My mom needs my dad not you, my dad wasn’t there for my first heartbreak, he wasn’t there to tell me he’d kick some guys ass to see me smile, he wasn’t there when me and my mom were at our wits end, he wasn’t there to hear what my mother and I had to go through. He didn’t need anything from us.

So today he asked my mom if before we go home we could drive to a different state and look and see what they thought, because they want to move, i went downstairs and they were talking about me, and my mom was saying if we move ill have nobody there, no friends or a school id want to start there and my dad was saying how i wanted to move and it was just to see. He looked at me and then they started talking about his boss and i just looked at him and i told  him i knew they were going to want him back and he told my mom he didn’t want to live there permanently so I asked him if he would do it again and he told me there is where he thinks god wants him and he might go back down there.

You know i’m just so done with having people pretending what you have to say is important when in reality they make you just want to think it is important to them, at this point… i dont know.
and my parents want to move and its my call if we like it there or not and most of me wants to move, to get away from everything i grew up into and hate with all the bad memories and the other part of me isnt sure if its sold on the idea or not. Im just lost right now.


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